A couple of students have mentioned that they are nervous to play in front of me. Since I am a pretty down to earth person and if anything overly nice this was a bit of a mystery to me. Then I thought back to my first lesson with my current (not that I have time for lessons anymore) teacher. I played fairly well and I wasn't nervous to the point of shaking. Even though I thought I'd hidden my nerves really well, she commented that I played as if I were apologizing for something. "Well, of course I'm apologizing," I wanted to say. "Are you aware that won the National Soviet Piano Competition? And that you've done four tours of Spain? And played at NATO?" In my head, I was thinking that I wasn't worthy of playing for her although she had already heard me play at piano festival and complimented me on my playing. So, dear students, I know what it's like to be nervous to play for your teacher. Although I feel so honored to be working with such an esteemed pianist, I am secretly terrified that she will find me to be a waste of her valuable time.
I have found perfectionism and self-criticism to be extremely common among pianists. There is a tendency to believe we aren't good enough and it is difficult at times to feel successful when our work involves such minute attention to detail. If we pay too much attention to one area, we take the chance of missing another. Getting the whole picture and doing justice to each detail in a piece of music might take months or even years. It has taken me some time to process all this and I finally have some thoughts that I need to share with you. Thoughts that apply to me as well, because I am still a student.
When you come to the studio, I am just happy that you want to learn piano. I want you to love the piano as much as I do. My ultimate goal is for you to experience the incomparable kinesthetic connection to the piano that I have. I want you to feel the music speaking to you and to understand that the piano is a living, breathing, entity and that if you treat it well, it will bring you incomparable joy. This is how I feel about the piano after playing for nearly 40 years. And now I have a confession to make. Although I have always wanted to be a pianist, it did not come easily to me...at all.
I was a HORRIBLE piano student for most of my childhood. I just didn't anything my teacher was trying to tell me. Most...no ALL of you play better after three months of lessons than I did after three years!! My recollection of this might be a little exaggerated but seriously I was in Leila Fletcher Book 1 FOREVER!!! I just did not "get" piano for quite a while and the only thing that got me through was that I wanted to play so badly. So please do not be upset if you do not get something the first, second, or even fifth time we go over it. Neither did I! :) Struggle doesn't mean you won't ever be good at piano. It just means I need to present it to you differently or we need to work a little more at it. I don't want any of you to ever feel overwhelmed by the work involved in learning music. Yes, there are rough spots for everyone but when you get beyond them....well, there are more....but the view from the other side is beautiful! And in my experience sheer determination wins over talent EVERY TIME! :)
There was a point in time where things sort of clicked for me and my years of previous misunderstanding or not understanding finally came together. Suddenly I was able to read and play just about everything I put my hands on. This will happen for you too eventually and you will have other smaller breakthroughs at various moments in your musical development. I am still having them. There are still things I need to learn that challenge me and it's not easy. I know I say this often but it's typically when I've decided to give up on something that the breakthrough happens. So please do not ever give up. There may be times when we need to change our focus or take a much needed break from certain pieces but please do not lose hope. Pianistic development is not a linear process. You will have high points followed by what feel like setbacks. Often when your brain is gearing up for a breakthrough it feels as if no progress at all is being made or even that you are losing ground. It's at this point that you need to trust the process and trust me to get you through. Be honest with me about how things are going for you and we will work through it.
Remember when you are practicing and when you come to lessons that I was once that very confused beginner. I have been where you are. I have certainly felt as if I was not good enough and at times even felt as if I should give up on playing altogether. When you play for me (although it is my job to point out where improvements can be made), I certainly do not sit waiting for you to make mistakes. As I listen to you play each week, I am rooting for you and brainstorming how I can make things easier for you in every moment. Keep in mind that things didn't come easily to me and that I know how very difficult it is to try and hold notes in one hand while the other hand moves. I truly get how impossible it feels to play one hand legato and the other staccato. You will never find any judgement from me. If anything, I will sympathize and commiserate with you so please do not be afraid to make your mistakes. If you don't make them, I won't be able to help you. And I so want to help you!
So now that I've written this teaching you is the easy part for me. The big challenge is for me to go to my lesson believing that all the things I've written truly apply to me, the student. It would be so easy for me to continue being afraid but I know that's not what my teacher would want any more than I want that for you. So today I choose to be brave. I will push through my fears of inadequacy and I will play for her, mistakes and all. And I will be okay with not being perfect. Because, after all, she is there because she wants me to love the piano as much as she does. She wants me to succeed as much as I want to want to succeed, maybe even more some days. And those bumps along the path, they are just bumps. In her eyes, they have no reflection on me as a person. They are just rough patches to work through. Even on days when I don't play my best, I am a good pianist and so are you. So let's keep learning together!
I have found perfectionism and self-criticism to be extremely common among pianists. There is a tendency to believe we aren't good enough and it is difficult at times to feel successful when our work involves such minute attention to detail. If we pay too much attention to one area, we take the chance of missing another. Getting the whole picture and doing justice to each detail in a piece of music might take months or even years. It has taken me some time to process all this and I finally have some thoughts that I need to share with you. Thoughts that apply to me as well, because I am still a student.
When you come to the studio, I am just happy that you want to learn piano. I want you to love the piano as much as I do. My ultimate goal is for you to experience the incomparable kinesthetic connection to the piano that I have. I want you to feel the music speaking to you and to understand that the piano is a living, breathing, entity and that if you treat it well, it will bring you incomparable joy. This is how I feel about the piano after playing for nearly 40 years. And now I have a confession to make. Although I have always wanted to be a pianist, it did not come easily to me...at all.
I was a HORRIBLE piano student for most of my childhood. I just didn't anything my teacher was trying to tell me. Most...no ALL of you play better after three months of lessons than I did after three years!! My recollection of this might be a little exaggerated but seriously I was in Leila Fletcher Book 1 FOREVER!!! I just did not "get" piano for quite a while and the only thing that got me through was that I wanted to play so badly. So please do not be upset if you do not get something the first, second, or even fifth time we go over it. Neither did I! :) Struggle doesn't mean you won't ever be good at piano. It just means I need to present it to you differently or we need to work a little more at it. I don't want any of you to ever feel overwhelmed by the work involved in learning music. Yes, there are rough spots for everyone but when you get beyond them....well, there are more....but the view from the other side is beautiful! And in my experience sheer determination wins over talent EVERY TIME! :)
There was a point in time where things sort of clicked for me and my years of previous misunderstanding or not understanding finally came together. Suddenly I was able to read and play just about everything I put my hands on. This will happen for you too eventually and you will have other smaller breakthroughs at various moments in your musical development. I am still having them. There are still things I need to learn that challenge me and it's not easy. I know I say this often but it's typically when I've decided to give up on something that the breakthrough happens. So please do not ever give up. There may be times when we need to change our focus or take a much needed break from certain pieces but please do not lose hope. Pianistic development is not a linear process. You will have high points followed by what feel like setbacks. Often when your brain is gearing up for a breakthrough it feels as if no progress at all is being made or even that you are losing ground. It's at this point that you need to trust the process and trust me to get you through. Be honest with me about how things are going for you and we will work through it.
Remember when you are practicing and when you come to lessons that I was once that very confused beginner. I have been where you are. I have certainly felt as if I was not good enough and at times even felt as if I should give up on playing altogether. When you play for me (although it is my job to point out where improvements can be made), I certainly do not sit waiting for you to make mistakes. As I listen to you play each week, I am rooting for you and brainstorming how I can make things easier for you in every moment. Keep in mind that things didn't come easily to me and that I know how very difficult it is to try and hold notes in one hand while the other hand moves. I truly get how impossible it feels to play one hand legato and the other staccato. You will never find any judgement from me. If anything, I will sympathize and commiserate with you so please do not be afraid to make your mistakes. If you don't make them, I won't be able to help you. And I so want to help you!
So now that I've written this teaching you is the easy part for me. The big challenge is for me to go to my lesson believing that all the things I've written truly apply to me, the student. It would be so easy for me to continue being afraid but I know that's not what my teacher would want any more than I want that for you. So today I choose to be brave. I will push through my fears of inadequacy and I will play for her, mistakes and all. And I will be okay with not being perfect. Because, after all, she is there because she wants me to love the piano as much as she does. She wants me to succeed as much as I want to want to succeed, maybe even more some days. And those bumps along the path, they are just bumps. In her eyes, they have no reflection on me as a person. They are just rough patches to work through. Even on days when I don't play my best, I am a good pianist and so are you. So let's keep learning together!